July 9th

Copied from my post last year but with the dates changed.

Two years ago on July 9th, I called DFCS and told them that we would be willing to accept placement of the kids in our home. That was a Thursday morning. On Saturday morning, my mother and I headed out to Jacksonville, Florida (approximately an 8 hour drive) to trade my convertible in for a large SUV. There is nothing like losing your job and having to go buy a new (well, new to us) car a few days later. It was the closest one to us that had all the options I wanted PLUS leather seats. Yes, it was the leather seats that I was really after. I think it was that maternal instinct already starting to kick in! Billy stayed back behind and worked on his long honey-do list that included toddler proofing the house. We simply had too much to do to make the trip together because DFCS was wanting them in our home ASAP after we gave them the green light.

The day I met my kids

Two years ago today, I met my children for the very first time. Billy and I met them at a local play ground along with their foster mom. The kids had no idea that we were their potential parents. I remember Fuller running up to us asking if we were his foster mom's friends. I had to walk away for a moment because I started crying. He was so beautiful and charming and it was possibility that one day he would be my little boy!

Shyne was too busy playing to slow down long enough to talk to some old folks like us. He blasted past us saying "I run fast!" Seriously, that is the first thing he ever said to us!

Zippy grabbed my camera and wouldn't give it back. We had a gentle tug of war going on over it. She won and bolted off running as fast as she could but then tripped and fell down dropping my camera and scraping her knee. Billy has always said from that first night that "the little one, now she is the one that will be a handful." He hit the nail on the head with that one because she has more personality than I have ever seen in a little one that age. Oh and boy does she have him wrapped! Yep, bonfide "Daddy's girl."

What an amazing 730 days it has been! I feel like I have known and loved them forever!

"The Call"

This is copied from last year's blog post except I changed it to reflect that we got "the call" two years ago.

Two years ago on Thursday, July 2nd, my world was spinning. I had been laid off from my job the day before. While I still had 2 more months to work, I quickly decided that I needed to start drumming up some business with my side gig, real estate. There was a new listing in our neighborhood and I had a prospective buyer. So I lined up a showing later that day. While showing the house, my phone rang and I looked down to discover that it was Department of Family and Children's Services. Great, they were probably calling to tell us we needed to do one more training class! I hit "ignore." That call could wait. Then they immediately called back a second time. I hit "ignore" once again. Then DFCS called back immediately for a 3rd time! The buyer told me that it was ok to take the phone call as he sensed it was obviously urgent. I blurt out that we were trying to adopt and that I was pretty sure that I was getting "the call." We were wrapping things up anyway and I wanted to talk when I had a little more privacy. We said our farewells and I jumped in the car immediately and called DFCS back.

They had a sibling group of three they wanted to discuss with us. Yep, I just knew it would be three. Billy was already scared silly that we were approved for up to three kids but was going to freak out when I told him we got "the call" about three kids! See, they could have called us about one child or a duo. So immediately, it was kind of hard to get over the moon excited because I was so scared that I would vetoed by Billy (not that I have ever really gotten vetoed by him but this was a HUGOMONGO life decision for us and we both needed to be on board). When I told Billy that the call was about three kids, he was pretty much like "3?" Not like, three? But more like THREE while the blood drained from his face! Being the trooper that he is, he agreed to go along to the DFCS meeting with an open mind and heart.

DFCS shared the kids ages with me: 2, 4 and 6 years old. They told it was two boys and one girl. I was told that there were really no "issues" with them and of course, I knew there were THREE of them! Independence Day fell on Saturday so a lot of people were celebrating and on July 3rd so their office was closed. Our case worker did not work Mondays so we made an appointment to come in and look at their case file on Tuesday, July 7th. Just my luck, I would have to wait over a long holiday weekend. I didn't know why they had come into state custody, their race, if the boys or girl was the oldest, etc. Goodness, I should have asked more questions! Being the pessimist that I am, I kept telling myself that it probably wouldn't be a "match" so that made it much easier to get through the next few days.

Be Bored

There are two things I can't stand to hear roll off my children's lips: "That's not fair" and "I'm bored." Well baby, life isn't fair so the best thing you can do is get over it right now. And here are my thoughts on boredom:

Dear little monkeys,

There are three of you kids in our family. We live in a neighborhood filled with children. We have a garage we cannot park in because it is overflowing with your toys. We have a big ole nice flat back yard perfect for any sports you would like to play. We have a Wii and a Nintendo system and all three of you have Nintendo DS' and iPods. We have more kid movies than Netflix. This summer, you have been swimming on a regular basis, to the movie theater several times, friend's houses to play, had friends over to our house, golf camp, VBS, to the lake and more. The summer is only half over at this point and we still have a lot of fun left on the agenda. However if you want to proclaim you are bored, then I will show you boring!

Be bored,
Momma

In my opinion, children do not need to be entertained every wakening moment of their little lives. Why? Well, when you become an adult you learn that life is not one big party! So just like my thoughts on fairness, they need to just get over that now! We live in a society where kids feel entitled to always have fun. Then there are parents that jump through hoops like baboons at the zoo to keep their kids entertained. I'm not being Debbie Downer because we too do so much with our kids. You are suppose to have fun as a kid. It is a good thing! However, perhaps we have done too much mindless entertaining and now they don't know how to simply entertain themselves with their imaginations.

So, this week I refuse to shuttle them up and down the road. We are going to stay right here in our home...oh but wait, they are going to be outside with a big water cooler. I will be inside cleaning up the house I have neglected while entertaining them this summer. Today was day one although Billy ended up taking them to play miniature golf earlier. Even still, the day outside in the yard is proving painful for them. So we will be at the house all week and in the evening they will be going to VBS. I bet they will be elated to go to VBS each night to get away from the Devil (me) at home.

I've already had one come in an ask if we can go swimming today. "Well certainly not, Dear. Yesterday, swimming bored you! Now shut the door and run along."

What is "ideal?"

The boys finished up 3 weeks of golf camp today.



"Ideal" for me is an unpredictable and unconventional life. I loathe routine although sometimes I wished I liked it more. While I don't really know what my ideal life is, I know it probably isn't what everyone else considers ideal. Billy on the other hand is a polar opposite. At least he has me around to keep his life interesting! :-)

When I think about my ideal family, I really don't see a mental imagine anymore. I guess instead of thinking that we are complete, I like to dream of the unknown even if it never happens. There is just something so depressing with the finality of some things unless it is cleaning, laundry or baseball season.

I can't say that I started out wanting a large family of my own. However, I do think that the changes in my relationships with family and friends that I have experienced since my three kids came to me does play a big part in wanting to creating my own larger family.

All I know is that I want to live life to the fullest while I still have some spunk left in me. I can rest when I'm old or better yet, when I die! I don't want a head stone to read "Here lies a lady that lived a quiet and peaceful life." Instead, I prefer "Here lies a lady that was never bored. Ever. She had more kids that the old lady that lived in the shoe and every single one of them drove her CrAzY!"

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing - Helen Keller

Common Objections to Adoption

I saw this video on Facebook a couple of weeks ago and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. It spoke straight to my heart. Not to mention, several blogs that I follow have touched on some of these same points too in the last couple of weeks. While I would love to adopt again, I am THAT person that feels like we would have to make some major changes to our home and get a larger vehicle to accommodate a growing family. Plus, our money tree out back died a few summers ago when we had that severe drought. We simply cannot afford it.

I try to have faith that all those obstacles would somehow work themselves out. So, I have been praying very specifically now for an older child. I have really felt in the depths of my heart that if we ever adopted again, it would be an older boy and very likely a minority. However during my late night internet surfing, I saw a girl on a photolisting that I completely fell in love with. I know you can't get your hopes up over a photolisting, really I do. However, I wonder if it is God's way of telling me once again that my idea of what my family should look like isn't the way He wants it to look. You see, I haven't even looked at photolistings for girls in FOREVER because I was just dead set on a boy. My desire for a boy has a lot to do with the fact that boys are harder to place than girls and because of our housing situation with sharing bathrooms/bedrooms and such. Oh sure, we could make it work but it really isn't what "I" consider "ideal."

That is all for tonight as it is getting late and I am having a hard time organizing my rambling thoughts. However, tomorrow I will talk about what is "ideal."

Sweet & Ignorant

You've just got to love it when someone prefaces a conversation about someone by making the disclosure they are adopted. Even worse is when they tell me three times as if I didn't hear the first time. Then they rattle on about how this adopted person made terrible choices and has pretty much ruined their life, their adopted parent's lives, and many people's lives around them. While they don't say it, they must feel like it is somehow related to this person being adopted, after all the adoption disclosure was made three times!

Why would someone even dare start a conversation with me like that? Ignorance, plain and simple. You see Ignorance has a spouse that is a real dandy. Ignorance's spouse has made a lot of terrible mistakes too just like the adopted person has made. However, Ignorance's spouse is not adopted. Ignorance's spouse is a spoiled brat that had a great childhood and has never had to be accountable for anything. Oh, there are just so many parallels between Ignorance's spouse and the adopted person's lives. So what is the excuse here?

Adoption is a serious issue and is not to be taken lightly. However, people everywhere deal with adversities of all types every day. Life is not guaranteed to be easy or fair. I remember going off to college at 18 years old to the #4 party school in the nation. At orientation, we were told that any school could be a party school and that college is pretty much what you make out of it. I think the same idea applies to life. Remember the whole "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade" saying?

I just smiled at Ignorance. After all, Ignorance is sweet but ignorant and no malice was intended. However, sometimes I wish I could be like Jim Carrey in Liar, Liar just for one day. ;-)