Photo by Shanna Hullender Photography

"Adopting one child won't change the world; but for that child, the world will change."

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Joy and Sorrow

I've been covered over the last few days so I haven't blogged as adamantly as I had intended about ME. However, I must take a break about ME as today is a very important day in my life. Today marks the one year anniversary of our adoptions. Yep, it has already been 12 months! Furthermore, next week the kids will have been living with us for 21 months total.

Like I've mentioned on here recently, I haven't had a lot of deep adoption related thougths lately. Well, that is until I read an article last night written by an adoptive mother. Boy, oh boy, did she paint a big red rosy picture about adoption. Had I not been so busy today I would have probably tracked down an email address for her and typed "Freakin gag me with a spoon, lady!!" Those of you that know very little about adoption probably don't realize there are a lot of adoption "ethics." To be honest with you, I didn't even know such topics existed until my virtual friends opened my eyes, ears, heart and mind to them. When you are new you have got to start learning somewhere. Unfortunately, this lady has been living the life associated with adoption long enough to have lived, learned and know better. So to her I say "Shame on you!" for her ignorance on the topic.

So while most people that are NOT connected to the adoption world thinks that today is the big happy day, instead to me, it is very bitter sweet.

So here are a few random thoughts swirling in my head today about adoption:

1. For one person to have gained another person had to have lost. One couple lost their children and in returned Billy and I gained them.

2. While I often hear remarks about how lucky my children are to have us that does not negate their overwhelmingly sad past.

3. My kids are not lucky to have us...we are blessed to have them.

4. It is unnatural for kids to be separated from their biological parents. God intends on children being with their natural and biological parents although Satan does not.

5. No matter how perfect their lives may ever seem from this point forward, rest assure they will be always waging an internal war with their emotions on being separated from their natural family. I feel quite certain it is a battle all three will fight on and off throughout their lives.

6. I often get asked in a whisper "Do they ever talk or ask about their parents?" The answer is "Yes" and many times those conversations are initiated by me. I want my children to feel comfortable asking/talking about their biological family. I'm not threatened by the fact that my children still loves them and always will. I'm the one raising them so what is there to be jealous about?

So while the general society associates finalization day as a big, happy day worthy of celebration, it is really a sad day filled with loss that is worthy of mourning.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Only in your dreams

I really haven't had a ton of deep adoption related thoughts lately. I guess I'm suppressing them at this point. I'm so one track minded that when I'm on, I'm on and when I'm off, I'm off. Right now, I'm just sort of stuck in limbo land wondering if I will get one of these jobs. Really, at this point a big fat "No" would really be a relief so at least I could get on with planning my summer and the rest of my life!

Now that I'm back at being a SAHM (stay at home mother), I have the joy of taking Zippy to pre-school each morning. Since I started working right after school started this year, I really haven't the opportunity to meet a lot of the new kids and their parents. The other morning I was walking Zippy in when we met up with another Mommy and her little boy on the sidewalk. The mother looked at me and said "She use to be Ralphie's (name changed to protect the innocent) girlfriend." I just looked at her and didn't say a word. I know it was an innocent comment but really it came across very ignorant considering the subjects are only 4 years old. I wanted to ask "What happened? Did she cheat on him?" or "Who is Ralphie dating now?" or even "Who in the heck are ya'll?" So for one of the few times in my life, I just decided to keep my trap shut and not say anything at all.

I know she probably didn't mean anything by it but the sad thing is that Zippy is growing up so fast. I know in a blink of an eye Zippy will be a teenager, the age that her parents were when they had their first baby. This lady does not know me and I assume she does not know our circumstances because if she did she would know that I want better for my children than what their parents had. At one of our court hearings, the kid's dad was asking how the boys were doing in school. I told him that Fuller was wildly popular with the gals to which he responded "Keep them far away from the girls!" That statement really struck a cord with me because here in his own young life, he had already lived and learned that lesson the hard way by becoming a parent at such a young age. I guess I just cannot understand why in a world where kids are having kids that a parent would joke about their child having a boyfriend/girlfriend.

As we got down the hall, I asked Zippy about that little boy and she said she didn't know him! Looks like it must have been a one sided relationship after all. So "girlfriend?" Huh, only in your dreams, Ralphie!