Photo by Shanna Hullender Photography

"Adopting one child won't change the world; but for that child, the world will change."

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Joy and Sorrow

I've been covered over the last few days so I haven't blogged as adamantly as I had intended about ME. However, I must take a break about ME as today is a very important day in my life. Today marks the one year anniversary of our adoptions. Yep, it has already been 12 months! Furthermore, next week the kids will have been living with us for 21 months total.

Like I've mentioned on here recently, I haven't had a lot of deep adoption related thougths lately. Well, that is until I read an article last night written by an adoptive mother. Boy, oh boy, did she paint a big red rosy picture about adoption. Had I not been so busy today I would have probably tracked down an email address for her and typed "Freakin gag me with a spoon, lady!!" Those of you that know very little about adoption probably don't realize there are a lot of adoption "ethics." To be honest with you, I didn't even know such topics existed until my virtual friends opened my eyes, ears, heart and mind to them. When you are new you have got to start learning somewhere. Unfortunately, this lady has been living the life associated with adoption long enough to have lived, learned and know better. So to her I say "Shame on you!" for her ignorance on the topic.

So while most people that are NOT connected to the adoption world thinks that today is the big happy day, instead to me, it is very bitter sweet.

So here are a few random thoughts swirling in my head today about adoption:

1. For one person to have gained another person had to have lost. One couple lost their children and in returned Billy and I gained them.

2. While I often hear remarks about how lucky my children are to have us that does not negate their overwhelmingly sad past.

3. My kids are not lucky to have us...we are blessed to have them.

4. It is unnatural for kids to be separated from their biological parents. God intends on children being with their natural and biological parents although Satan does not.

5. No matter how perfect their lives may ever seem from this point forward, rest assure they will be always waging an internal war with their emotions on being separated from their natural family. I feel quite certain it is a battle all three will fight on and off throughout their lives.

6. I often get asked in a whisper "Do they ever talk or ask about their parents?" The answer is "Yes" and many times those conversations are initiated by me. I want my children to feel comfortable asking/talking about their biological family. I'm not threatened by the fact that my children still loves them and always will. I'm the one raising them so what is there to be jealous about?

So while the general society associates finalization day as a big, happy day worthy of celebration, it is really a sad day filled with loss that is worthy of mourning.


  1. Very wise and thought provoking!!

  2. This is a very interesting post. I have been researching adoption for a while now. We have been considering and praying about adopting a child. We can have another child biologically, but it might entail some danger for me and so we are debating the issue. Anyway...the reason I was posting a comment is that I have been reading a forum that was created by mother's who had voluntarily relinquised, it was has been an interesting read. I find your insights balanced and thoughtful. Your children will benefit from your wisdom as they grow.

  3. I learn so much about what adoption is really like every time I read your posts. Your honesty about the ups and downs is great. Most of all, your passion for your sweet kids is so evident throughout your writing. Thanks for sharing your life with us!!

  4. Good. Share those thoughts, girl. People need to know that adoption isn't perfect, easy, and happy. We love our kids, and we are so thankful for them, but we have to be realistic.