Thursday, July 14, 2011
It Is What It Is
In our Georgia foster care classes (IMPACT) we heard a lot about how anniversaries can be very hard on the children. We were told to expect high emotions around important dates even if the children were unaware of those dates. So far, we haven't experienced any of that with our children. However, I have noticed a huge difference in my emotions around those important circles on the calendar.
As we approach the two year anniversary of our "Gotcha Day," I find myself flooded with adoption emotions. I guess it is only natural to think back to how life was two years ago in the days before our kids arrived in our home. To be honest, it is very bittersweet.
As for my family in particular, within these two years I have both gained and lost family members through this adoption. Going back and reading my blog entries from last summer, I see that I still had a lot of raw feelings about it. However now, my viewpoint along the lines of "it is what it is." Every single relationship I had at that time has since changed and this statement isn't necessarily a bad thing. It reminds me a lot of dating when you go through a bad break up to get back together and the feelings never quite being the same.
When we set out to adopt, I guess I thought I would be able to give my kids the same type of happy childhood that I had growing up. In the end, I've had to accept the fact that no matter how hard I try, I cannot give my kids my life and my childhood. My family and extended family are different now. There are different players involved, therefore it will never be the same. I grew up adoring my aunt, uncle and cousins. On the flip side of things, my children pretty much have a non-existent relationship with their only uncle, aunt and cousin. Then their relationship with my parents would be best described as a pony show. To this date, none of my parents have ever taken all three of my children at the same time to do anything as simple as getting an ice cream cone. They love them no doubt but it is definitely a different relationship than I had with my grandparents. But that too is okay because like I said before, it is what it is.
I'm not mad at anyone. I'm not bitter. If any anything, I would describe myself as dangerously independent and indifferent. As for my children, they are resilient troopers that are having a happy and wonderful childhood now. And lastly, it is what it is.