Oh, Happy Days Are Here to Stay...I Pray!

Yesterday, we celebrated Fuller's 8th birthday. Instead of a birthday party this year, he got to have his first sleep over which turned out to be a huge success! Fuller had a blast surrounded with family, friends, cake and presents (and tons of swimming). One of his favorite presents was the NKOTBSB (New Kids On The Block/Back Street Boys) cd that I bought him. Yeah, I totally had my own interests at heart when I purchased it!

However mixed in with all the excitement, June 6th is another sad day in the adoption arena for me...and possibly one day for Fuller. While all birthdays are special, his is even more so because he shares the same birthday as his natural mother. Last year in the midst of his celebration, he looked at Billy and me and said "Today is also my real Momma's birthday too!" He wasn't sad but just made the statement. Regardless, it was on his mind. I usually foster open dialogue about their birth family/parents. However, on this particular day it is harder for me because I just don't know whether I should or not. If he is excited, then I don't want to rain on his parade by mentioning it. He said nothing about it this year so, I just sort of followed his lead and didn't say anything either. However, I do worry that as he grows older and the excitement of his youth wears off that his birthday may start to haunt him. Awwh, the beauties and uglies of adoption.

How We Roll

Summer is in full swing here around the Vinyard household. Temps are in the high 90's and only sun is in the forecast. With every trickle of sweat, I remember why I love the winter months. Oh well, I digress. Anyway, this week has been filled with swimming and a baseball tournament game nightly. However, two of the most unexpected things have been the highlights of the week for our kids: Rolling with the windows down in the car and getting hosed down at the car wash. Seriously, they did not get nearly this excited at Disney World!

When we left the game the other night, I decided to roll down the windows and peel open the moon roof. This goes against my grain BIG time because as soon as the wind hits my hair, I start looking like a cross between orphan Annie and Ronald McDonald. However, we were going home for the rest of the evening. So down with the windows and up went the volume! By their reaction, I suppose it was the first time I had done such with them in our near two years together. My word, I can't even express the shrills, giggles, and the pure enjoyment of three little kids getting to roll with the windows down! The best of all, it was FREE entertainment!

Then yesterday, I went to one of those little old fashioned car washes near our home. Usually, I go to a full service one but didn't have time and the car was really starting to grate my nerves. They watched me with the soapy brush (and asked a gazillion questions) and then when rinsing with water, I turned around and let them have it! We had just been swimming so they were already in swimsuits and flip flops. I sprayed the kids as they jumped, laughed and screamed "Do it again!" Every car the went down the road stared and/or laughed at us! No fancy Country Club memberships here when you can take you kids to the car wash and hose them down for a buck twenty-five!

I can already envision the kids going back to school in August and the teacher asking what was the best thing they did all summer!

Go Ahead and Throw Me From the Truck!

On May 10th Billy turned 40 years old. The very next day, I turned 35. There wasn't a lot of celebrating going on this year due to the other pressing matters at hand. Anyway, Zippy and I met Billy at the local steak house during lunch so I could get my free birthday meal. For some reason, a free meal once a year at Billy's favorite eating establishments really warms his heart. Since he had collected on his free meal the day before, he was ready to make sure I got mine the next day too! While there, I ran into our Case Worker. You know, the one that I'm not super duper wild about. Anyway, as Billy was working the salad bar over, I was able to tell her to keep us in mind should a "situation" arise that may mesh well with our family. Our home study isn't current but I know that DFCS can work some quick magic when needed. Let me rephrase that last sentence: DFCS can work some quick magic when they WANT to. She asked me about what Billy thought about it. Throughout our entire home study and adoption process, she was always very concerned about Billy because she knew he was scared to death. I told that I felt confident if the right child came up, then I'm sure Billy would rise to the occasion. After all, he is just that kind of guy!

I did end up telling him about that conversation a few days later while driving down the road. He didn't tell me "No!" but instead he laughed nervously and said "Ugghh, I should throw you out of this truck!" I *think* that might have been my "YES!"

However, there are some days that even I think I need to be thrown from the truck!

A Few of My Favorite Things

These photos were taken about a year ago by Lacey D. Photography. They remain as two of my favorite photos that I have of the children. While the kids have grown and changed so much in the last year, I thought I would post these in remembrance of all the fallen soldiers on this beautiful Memorial Day weekend. God Bless America!

God of This City

On April 27, 2011 my hometown of Ringgold, Georgia was struck by an F-5 tornado. It was one of the many towns across the Southeast that was terrorized with tornado activity on that dreaded Spring day. The storm claimed 8 precious lives and tore our little town literally into a million pieces, both physically and emotionally. It was a day that a nightmare really came true. It is something you see happen in far away places while watching the evening news. However, you never expect it to be the place were you were born and raised, the place that you have always called "home."

However, keeping with the American spirit of compassion and patriotism, our little community is already starting to heal. While there is so much pain that has came out of this terrible storm, there has also been so much goodness to surface too. Through volunteer work, I have met some of the nicest people and have made many new friends along the way. This storm has really restored my faith in mankind and I hope many others feel the same way. This t-shirt quote sums it up well: "You can't keep a small town down."

In the heart of dear old Dixie
Beneath the White Oak tree
Proudly stands our Alma Mater
Ringgold hail to thee!
Alma Mater, Alma Mater
True and loyal be
Ever crowned with grace and glory
Ringgold Hail to Thee!

The Joy and Sorrow

I've been covered over the last few days so I haven't blogged as adamantly as I had intended about ME. However, I must take a break about ME as today is a very important day in my life. Today marks the one year anniversary of our adoptions. Yep, it has already been 12 months! Furthermore, next week the kids will have been living with us for 21 months total.

Like I've mentioned on here recently, I haven't had a lot of deep adoption related thougths lately. Well, that is until I read an article last night written by an adoptive mother. Boy, oh boy, did she paint a big red rosy picture about adoption. Had I not been so busy today I would have probably tracked down an email address for her and typed "Freakin gag me with a spoon, lady!!" Those of you that know very little about adoption probably don't realize there are a lot of adoption "ethics." To be honest with you, I didn't even know such topics existed until my virtual friends opened my eyes, ears, heart and mind to them. When you are new you have got to start learning somewhere. Unfortunately, this lady has been living the life associated with adoption long enough to have lived, learned and know better. So to her I say "Shame on you!" for her ignorance on the topic.

So while most people that are NOT connected to the adoption world thinks that today is the big happy day, instead to me, it is very bitter sweet.

So here are a few random thoughts swirling in my head today about adoption:

1. For one person to have gained another person had to have lost. One couple lost their children and in returned Billy and I gained them.

2. While I often hear remarks about how lucky my children are to have us that does not negate their overwhelmingly sad past.

3. My kids are not lucky to have us...we are blessed to have them.

4. It is unnatural for kids to be separated from their biological parents. God intends on children being with their natural and biological parents although Satan does not.

5. No matter how perfect their lives may ever seem from this point forward, rest assure they will be always waging an internal war with their emotions on being separated from their natural family. I feel quite certain it is a battle all three will fight on and off throughout their lives.

6. I often get asked in a whisper "Do they ever talk or ask about their parents?" The answer is "Yes" and many times those conversations are initiated by me. I want my children to feel comfortable asking/talking about their biological family. I'm not threatened by the fact that my children still loves them and always will. I'm the one raising them so what is there to be jealous about?

So while the general society associates finalization day as a big, happy day worthy of celebration, it is really a sad day filled with loss that is worthy of mourning.

Only in your dreams

I really haven't had a ton of deep adoption related thoughts lately. I guess I'm suppressing them at this point. I'm so one track minded that when I'm on, I'm on and when I'm off, I'm off. Right now, I'm just sort of stuck in limbo land wondering if I will get one of these jobs. Really, at this point a big fat "No" would really be a relief so at least I could get on with planning my summer and the rest of my life!

Now that I'm back at being a SAHM (stay at home mother), I have the joy of taking Zippy to pre-school each morning. Since I started working right after school started this year, I really haven't the opportunity to meet a lot of the new kids and their parents. The other morning I was walking Zippy in when we met up with another Mommy and her little boy on the sidewalk. The mother looked at me and said "She use to be Ralphie's (name changed to protect the innocent) girlfriend." I just looked at her and didn't say a word. I know it was an innocent comment but really it came across very ignorant considering the subjects are only 4 years old. I wanted to ask "What happened? Did she cheat on him?" or "Who is Ralphie dating now?" or even "Who in the heck are ya'll?" So for one of the few times in my life, I just decided to keep my trap shut and not say anything at all.

I know she probably didn't mean anything by it but the sad thing is that Zippy is growing up so fast. I know in a blink of an eye Zippy will be a teenager, the age that her parents were when they had their first baby. This lady does not know me and I assume she does not know our circumstances because if she did she would know that I want better for my children than what their parents had. At one of our court hearings, the kid's dad was asking how the boys were doing in school. I told him that Fuller was wildly popular with the gals to which he responded "Keep them far away from the girls!" That statement really struck a cord with me because here in his own young life, he had already lived and learned that lesson the hard way by becoming a parent at such a young age. I guess I just cannot understand why in a world where kids are having kids that a parent would joke about their child having a boyfriend/girlfriend.

As we got down the hall, I asked Zippy about that little boy and she said she didn't know him! Looks like it must have been a one sided relationship after all. So "girlfriend?" Huh, only in your dreams, Ralphie!