Go Ahead and Throw Me From the Truck!

On May 10th Billy turned 40 years old. The very next day, I turned 35. There wasn't a lot of celebrating going on this year due to the other pressing matters at hand. Anyway, Zippy and I met Billy at the local steak house during lunch so I could get my free birthday meal. For some reason, a free meal once a year at Billy's favorite eating establishments really warms his heart. Since he had collected on his free meal the day before, he was ready to make sure I got mine the next day too! While there, I ran into our Case Worker. You know, the one that I'm not super duper wild about. Anyway, as Billy was working the salad bar over, I was able to tell her to keep us in mind should a "situation" arise that may mesh well with our family. Our home study isn't current but I know that DFCS can work some quick magic when needed. Let me rephrase that last sentence: DFCS can work some quick magic when they WANT to. She asked me about what Billy thought about it. Throughout our entire home study and adoption process, she was always very concerned about Billy because she knew he was scared to death. I told that I felt confident if the right child came up, then I'm sure Billy would rise to the occasion. After all, he is just that kind of guy!

I did end up telling him about that conversation a few days later while driving down the road. He didn't tell me "No!" but instead he laughed nervously and said "Ugghh, I should throw you out of this truck!" I *think* that might have been my "YES!"

However, there are some days that even I think I need to be thrown from the truck!

A Few of My Favorite Things

These photos were taken about a year ago by Lacey D. Photography. They remain as two of my favorite photos that I have of the children. While the kids have grown and changed so much in the last year, I thought I would post these in remembrance of all the fallen soldiers on this beautiful Memorial Day weekend. God Bless America!

God of This City

On April 27, 2011 my hometown of Ringgold, Georgia was struck by an F-5 tornado. It was one of the many towns across the Southeast that was terrorized with tornado activity on that dreaded Spring day. The storm claimed 8 precious lives and tore our little town literally into a million pieces, both physically and emotionally. It was a day that a nightmare really came true. It is something you see happen in far away places while watching the evening news. However, you never expect it to be the place were you were born and raised, the place that you have always called "home."

However, keeping with the American spirit of compassion and patriotism, our little community is already starting to heal. While there is so much pain that has came out of this terrible storm, there has also been so much goodness to surface too. Through volunteer work, I have met some of the nicest people and have made many new friends along the way. This storm has really restored my faith in mankind and I hope many others feel the same way. This t-shirt quote sums it up well: "You can't keep a small town down."

In the heart of dear old Dixie
Beneath the White Oak tree
Proudly stands our Alma Mater
Ringgold hail to thee!
Alma Mater, Alma Mater
True and loyal be
Ever crowned with grace and glory
Ringgold Hail to Thee!

The Joy and Sorrow

I've been covered over the last few days so I haven't blogged as adamantly as I had intended about ME. However, I must take a break about ME as today is a very important day in my life. Today marks the one year anniversary of our adoptions. Yep, it has already been 12 months! Furthermore, next week the kids will have been living with us for 21 months total.

Like I've mentioned on here recently, I haven't had a lot of deep adoption related thougths lately. Well, that is until I read an article last night written by an adoptive mother. Boy, oh boy, did she paint a big red rosy picture about adoption. Had I not been so busy today I would have probably tracked down an email address for her and typed "Freakin gag me with a spoon, lady!!" Those of you that know very little about adoption probably don't realize there are a lot of adoption "ethics." To be honest with you, I didn't even know such topics existed until my virtual friends opened my eyes, ears, heart and mind to them. When you are new you have got to start learning somewhere. Unfortunately, this lady has been living the life associated with adoption long enough to have lived, learned and know better. So to her I say "Shame on you!" for her ignorance on the topic.

So while most people that are NOT connected to the adoption world thinks that today is the big happy day, instead to me, it is very bitter sweet.

So here are a few random thoughts swirling in my head today about adoption:

1. For one person to have gained another person had to have lost. One couple lost their children and in returned Billy and I gained them.

2. While I often hear remarks about how lucky my children are to have us that does not negate their overwhelmingly sad past.

3. My kids are not lucky to have us...we are blessed to have them.

4. It is unnatural for kids to be separated from their biological parents. God intends on children being with their natural and biological parents although Satan does not.

5. No matter how perfect their lives may ever seem from this point forward, rest assure they will be always waging an internal war with their emotions on being separated from their natural family. I feel quite certain it is a battle all three will fight on and off throughout their lives.

6. I often get asked in a whisper "Do they ever talk or ask about their parents?" The answer is "Yes" and many times those conversations are initiated by me. I want my children to feel comfortable asking/talking about their biological family. I'm not threatened by the fact that my children still loves them and always will. I'm the one raising them so what is there to be jealous about?

So while the general society associates finalization day as a big, happy day worthy of celebration, it is really a sad day filled with loss that is worthy of mourning.

Only in your dreams

I really haven't had a ton of deep adoption related thoughts lately. I guess I'm suppressing them at this point. I'm so one track minded that when I'm on, I'm on and when I'm off, I'm off. Right now, I'm just sort of stuck in limbo land wondering if I will get one of these jobs. Really, at this point a big fat "No" would really be a relief so at least I could get on with planning my summer and the rest of my life!

Now that I'm back at being a SAHM (stay at home mother), I have the joy of taking Zippy to pre-school each morning. Since I started working right after school started this year, I really haven't the opportunity to meet a lot of the new kids and their parents. The other morning I was walking Zippy in when we met up with another Mommy and her little boy on the sidewalk. The mother looked at me and said "She use to be Ralphie's (name changed to protect the innocent) girlfriend." I just looked at her and didn't say a word. I know it was an innocent comment but really it came across very ignorant considering the subjects are only 4 years old. I wanted to ask "What happened? Did she cheat on him?" or "Who is Ralphie dating now?" or even "Who in the heck are ya'll?" So for one of the few times in my life, I just decided to keep my trap shut and not say anything at all.

I know she probably didn't mean anything by it but the sad thing is that Zippy is growing up so fast. I know in a blink of an eye Zippy will be a teenager, the age that her parents were when they had their first baby. This lady does not know me and I assume she does not know our circumstances because if she did she would know that I want better for my children than what their parents had. At one of our court hearings, the kid's dad was asking how the boys were doing in school. I told him that Fuller was wildly popular with the gals to which he responded "Keep them far away from the girls!" That statement really struck a cord with me because here in his own young life, he had already lived and learned that lesson the hard way by becoming a parent at such a young age. I guess I just cannot understand why in a world where kids are having kids that a parent would joke about their child having a boyfriend/girlfriend.

As we got down the hall, I asked Zippy about that little boy and she said she didn't know him! Looks like it must have been a one sided relationship after all. So "girlfriend?" Huh, only in your dreams, Ralphie!

I was planning on doing an interview with Zippy but my new Flip video camera has already bit the dust. So, I get to hassle with sending it back and getting it replaced. As I'm getting older, I am definitely getting wiser and spent the extra $5 for a warranty!

So, I will just provide an update on me. With very mixed emotions, I started a job in September. My primary concern was health insurance. I promised myself if it wasn't working out for my family, then I would quit it and find a health plan on my own. I gave it six months and I hated every single day of it. It was not the working that I hated, it was the actual job itself. I simply cannot and will not work a job that makes me miserable (another thing I have picked up along the way with age) because it has such a huge snowball effect into other parts of my life. My family deserves a *better* me so I quit the job last week.

I have been interviewing with two companies now for months. Apparently no one is in a hurry to hire anyone these days. Both are jobs that I applied for in December and believe it or not, the multi-stage hiring process is carrying me all the way into April! Both positions are much better than the one I just left. Plus, I would be working from a home virtual office once again. I've prayed and prayed and have finally decided that I will not let this whole hurry up and wait game make me anxious. So if I get one of these jobs, then great! If don't, then great because I have other ideas and dreams swirling around in my head (and I have found a workable plan for the health insurance)! I just love that feeling I get when I know there are new possibilities on the horizon!

So what does my future hold? A new job? Self employment? Another child? The possibilities are endless and I'm SMILING!

Public Service Annoucement AKA Soap Box

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to a guy that I went to college with and he mentioned that he was trying to quit smoking. I was sort of shocked that he smoked. Really. I just don't know many 30 somethings that smoke in year 2011. Thankfully, he has a thick skin and got a got kick out of it when I said "Smoking? I thought everyone left that behind in college!"

Same thing with tanning. I thought all my friends gave it up years ago! So what is with tanning beds in 2011? 100% UV rays, baby! We all know the dangers and the tan is usually a very unnatural shade that fades much more rapidly than that obtained in the real sun. However, day after day I see those Facebook status updates singing the joys of fake and baking it.

I personally gave up tanning beds about 7 or 8 years ago and I have not missed them for a minute. It is kind of like that smell from my last perm in junior high school. All I have to do it think of that sweaty burnt flesh smell (or start counting my scars) and suddenly that refried beans colored tan is not longer worth it.

I learned this the hard way though. I once was a sun goddess but that all changed the day that I received a frantic call from the dermatologist office about a small flat, smooth, black dot on my right thigh - it looked like a dot from a Sharpie marker. I went into the doctor's office for what I thought was a routine procedure (this was not my first place of concern to be removed). I walked out of the doctor's office that afternoon with a 3 x 4 inch rectangle cut out of my leg. Now, I sport a zipper looking scar across my leg. Sexy. My back and legs once looked like a blank canvas. Now it is discolored with sun damage and scars. According to my Dermatologist, 95% can be attributed to the tanning beds. But you know what? Mom said it would be like this but when you are young you just don't think it will happen to you.

I still tan but in the real sun with sunscreen and in moderation. Natural sunshine is healthy and provides a person with much needed vitamins and nutrients. God made the sun and intended for us to enjoy it. But like other things, I truly feel that He meant for us to use it wisely and in moderation. Plus, when you are in the real sun, you get mostly good rays and just a few bad UV rays whereas in a tanning bad the rays are 100% ultra violet(BAD, BAD, BAD). I usually start with a little self tanning cream...yeah, it isn't the best smell in the world but it does smell better than the tanning salon! Then I tan myself outside a little bit usually while working in the yard and then I maintain by using more self tanning lotion. No, it isn't the darkest tan but I'm not entering a bikini contest anytime soon so I don't suppose it really matters. I'm just shooting for healthy here.

I slather sunscreen on my little tan babies too. Because they are dark and rarely burn does not mean that their skin does not need protection too. Even with SPF 50, they get dark as little Indians. And yes, I realize that is no longer politically correct but they are part Indian and when you see how brown they get in the summer, I can only imagine that is where the saying came from! Regardless of the choices you make for yourself, as a parent you need to be putting your child in sunscreen and reapplying every few hours. I put it on my children daily during the months they spend a lot time outdoors. I keep it in my car, stashed on my front porch, back deck, a tote bag, and in a couple of my bathrooms. Sunscreen is just a way of life for us.

If you haven't, then you should schedule an appointment with a Dermatologist for a skin survey at least once a year. If you are still tanning in tanning beds, then you should go sit in the Dermatologist's office on surgery day because you will think you just stepped foot into a Tales from the Crypt movie set. Need I say more?