The Haze

I always say that the kid's transitions into our home and family were so easy that sometimes I consider it a bit scary. When I really think about it, it seems too good to be true. However, then I have days like this when I stumble across something that takes me back to around them time we got them, and it everything seems like a blur. I honestly don't remember a lot about the first year we had the kids. I was trying to tell someone the other day about something that happened a couple of months before the kids came to us. As I talked, I just couldn't remember the specifics and confused myself. It wasn't anything important but it definitely frustrated me that I couldn't remember. It is a terrible feeling to have to call someone and ask them about something that happened in your own life within the last 4-5 years because your memory is so hazy.

I lost my job the day before we got the call about the kids. I really liked my job but the crazy thing is that I didn't get around to grieving the loss of it until about two years after the fact. Everything happened so fast, it is like I didn't have time to grieve, accept it and move on until Zippy started pre-school full-time. Then it hit me. Hard.

These are just a couple of examples of my mind playing tricks on me and I think it due to stress of our fast and dramatic lifestyle changes that came along with these kids. Now that the fog has lifted, I keep finding myself  so angry and upset with those that were around me and closest to me during those critical times. Those that failed to  lend a helping hand or recognize that I was struggling. In hindsight, I recognize that we were in a true survival mode. While, I hate that I can't remember much about that first year, I wouldn't go back in time and do it over again even if I could. It was that rough.

I recently received a baby shower invitation for a family member. This is her second baby boy in less than three years. I will admit to anyone that yes, I am bitter. No, it isn't anything to do with pregnancy or a baby. It just hurts me that no one, not one family member commemorated the arrival of my children. These hard feeling are not over stuff, the material things. It is about the fact that nobody in my small, once tightly knit family thought enough enough to buy them a toy, an outfit, blanket or whatever. The fact that they were so poor and needed so much makes it that much more painful. A year and a half ago, I said something about this to my uncle to which is replied "Well Shana, people look at you and Billy and they didn't think you needed anything." Oh, I thought it was the thought that counted and no one thought enough of them or us. I know with all my being that it would have been so much different had I brought triplets home from the hospital. However, there is no pomp and circumstance when you get three, poor foster kids.

I'm getting stronger each day. Each day that goes on, my situation with my family gets easier to deal with. I will never apologize. Ever. I know this blog drives my family crazy and it isn't my intention to inflict pain. However, these are my feelings and I'm not censoring them so some people can save face. I have nothing to apologize about because they wrote their own chapters in our adoption story.  I have had so many emails and FB messages from complete strangers pouring their love out to me and offering kind and encouraging words. I can't even begin to tell everyone how thankful I am when I get those little notes as they usually arrive at the times that I need them most.  As Easter approaches, I will surround by the family that I decide to create for myself and not those bound by blood. Everything is going to be all right.

If Only I Knew Then What I Know Now

I would have never introduced my children to people with titles. Instead of introducing people as aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc., I would have simply have introduced them by name only. This, hopefully, would have set the bar very low and the adults involved wouldn't have had struggled to meet the minimal expectations that such titles hold. Without titles, family would have been no different than neighbors or acquaintances. So when the adults failed to rise to the occasion, my children would not have disappointed. Lord only knows they had already been disappointed enough by adults in their short lives.

For me, I found myself making a lot of excuses for my mom and stepdad. The kids wanted to spend the night, go stay at their house while I ran errands and such. I would have to make excuses because I knew that my mom did not like keeping my kids. My kids go through spells where they would ask to visit with my parents frequently. I found myself almost lying to my children at times. I have always been honest with my children about their biological family. I've always handled the questions with child appropriate answers but it is their life, and I have always felt like they were owed the truth. When I started having to answer pointed questions from my children on the lack of grandparent involvement and when I couldn't answer those questions truthfully, I started to get pissed. If I wasn't going to lie about their bio family, I sure wasn't going to lie about mine!

We are pushing four years since our kids came to live with us. Billy was so scared and very apprehensive about taking on three kids, truth be known. My mom was our biggest cheerleader and encourager. We thought we had a strong support network but that was just a facade. Then, we got the kids and then our family vanished into the thin air. For the longest, we were in survival mode and just doing what we well to make it through each day. I didn't have time to think about what and where my family was at the time. I made even made excuses for them. My mom and stepdad had moved close to us, as in less than a mile. I knew it was important for my mom to get very settled into their house and I knew that would take quite some time. However, a year passed, and then I realize that they have never taken my kids a mile down to the nearest McDonald's and bought them an ice cream cone. They have never taken all three of my children anywhere period. Maybe it was my kid's behaviors because they are pretty full of energy? Well according to my mom time and time again, they were "just being kids." To date, they have never kept my kids for an in-service day or even a half day when it was early dismissal at school. If a child spent the night, then it has to be one at a time and preplanned well in advance. We live a mile from the schools and they barely make it to one sporting event a season. It has not been uncommon for my kids to go 2-3 weeks at time without seeing my parents.


I think Facebook has contributed to the lack of family environment. I post a lot of updates and photos on Facebook. I think this made it easy for my family to be connected with our lives without having to be truly involved. Then there is always the photo sharing. They can then share the photos with their friends and it appears to the outside world that they are more engaged in the kid's lives than they actually are. As I've always said, the relationship with my kids and my family have never been anything more than a pony show.

At this point, I have lost my biological family too. I have grieved the loss of people in my life except instead of them being deceased, they are very much alive and doing fine. I have gone through the emotions of denial, grief, and anger, etc. Actually, I feel like I'm about step five of the seven step grief process. I don't really see me ever resolving this with my parents because I honestly don't feel relationships can be forged. I tried once and accepted the apology. However, actions speak louder than words. They continue to not have a real relationship with my kids and I certainly will not force one. At this point in my life, my life is less painful without them. I would never deny my children a relationship with my family even though I chose not to have one with them myself. However, my parents have not reached out. My husband is a nice man and they could contact him at anytime but they have not.

People often ask me "Why?" I don't know. Really, I don't. Is it because they are adopted? Ethnicity? I've over analyzed this situation and really the best thing I can come up with is selfishness. I think my parents are so set in their ways that there is no room for variation. They enjoy their free time by flittering around town, shopping, eating out, and rescuing stray animals. I think they enjoy doing their "thing" and sadly, that doesn't include my kids. They don't want to spend their time and money on my kids because they would rather spend it on themselves. Yes, that is my best guess.

Still to this day, it is hard for me to imagine my relationship with my family has turned out like this. I considered it healthy leading up to the arrival of our kids. I had a good, loving family, and a wonderful childhood. I never expected this. I feel so betrayed. But like my kids, I am a survivor and I will get through this.

Let The Good Times Roll

Well, it has been a year since I last blogged. When I reflect back over 2012, I feel like it was just a normal uneventful year for us. However in reality, it did deliver the constant change that is known as life. I went back to work full-time. It was hard (and still is) but Billy is self-employed and our healthcare has become so unaffordable. Fortunately, I really do like my job but it was still a huge change for us, or at least for me. I have accepted the fact that my house will never be as polished as it once was and that I will forever be frazzled, exhausted and shooting from the hip. I always say that I will rest when I die!

We were blessed with a wonderful lady, Jessica, that kept the kids at our house last summer. Well, they kept the roads hot and that warmed my heart because I didn't want the kids to miss out on library days, swimming, etc. just because I was working. Jessica is an angel sent straight down from Heaven. We all love her. I thought I had put my hurt feelings toward my Mom to rest in 2011 but they reared their ugly heads again in 2012. There has been a constant emotional war going on within myself for the last three years and a half years about the changes these adoptions have brought to our family dynamics. I am accepting the fact that I don't have to accept anything. Adoption is such a complicated, unnatural mess. It is so beautiful and yet so ugly all at the same time. Once upon a time, I thought of adoption as a story of purple unicorns riding in on bright rainbows spreading glitter with the swish of their tail. But now that I have lived it, I know that adoption is about loss. In order to gain through adoption, there has to be loss. My kids lost their biological parents but gained us. I gained my three, precious babies but have lost my parents in return. Would I do it all over again? You bet! Would I do things differently? You bet!

I pretty much discontinued this blog because I know it was hurtful to my family. However, I get approached so much about adoption that I really have a hard time keeping up with it all. This blog is where I usually refer people because this tells our story without me having to take time out of my already crazy schedule to answer everyone individually. While, I don't mean to hurt anyone, these are my rawest thoughts and feeling about adoption and our situation. I own every single word here. They are mine and I am not ashamed. So while, I won't be able to blog often, I'm going to be jumping in here this year and keep this blog relatively updated.

It's an ANIMAL maybe even a BEAST!

I'm back and have been thinking a lot about this blog lately. Even though I haven't blogged since September, this blog still gets a lot of frequent hits although a large percentage of those hits are from Western Europeans googling "That's how we roll Zippy!" While I'm still very passionate about adoption, 2011 really sucked the life out of me in the adoption arena. It was dangerous. Damaged relationships have been mended. I have sort of accepted the fact that most people will never understand my emotions regarding these adoptions or the complexities of adoption in general. I've just had to step back and concentrate on being a mom to my children while trying to put adoption in the back of my mind. However,adoption is so big and paramount in my life, it is never forgotten for too long. It IS my life and it is what it is!

Rose Colored Glasses

Shyne with our newly adopted pooch, Lizzie Fox.

I haven't blogged a lot this summer for a few reasons. First, with the kids being out of school for the summer and all their activities, it was very hard to find time to blog. Secondly, I've been in the dumps about adoption and really don't want to discourage my readers that may be considering or currently in the adoption process. Lastly, I haven't blogged because of my family.

None of my problems are to do with my kids because they are AwEsOmE as always. These issues are definitely with ME. I guess when we first got the kids we were in survival mode. Now that the dust has settled, I've been hit with some pretty heavy emotions that major life changes tend to bring even if they are a bit delayed due to a long period of denial.

A lot has changed around here this summer. A lot. We (Billy and/or I) ran into the children's biological family three times within two weeks. It had been a year since we had ran last into them while out in town. This has ultimately lead to communication being opened up between their biological family and me. I will admit, I was very hesitant at first. However, now I am okay with it and even grateful. But the crazy thing is that this contact has really, really sent my mind spinning out of control.

I've quit looking at them (birth family) at people that didn't care enough and lost their kids. Instead, I seem them more as people that were not born into the white, blue eyed, middle class privileges as most people I know, including myself. I now see young, very poor people without a support system. I see another generation of people that have fallen victim to that vicious cycle of poverty. I've never had to move in the middle of the night due to eviction or foreclosure because my family was secured enough to own their home out right. I grew up scared of the police and jail because that is where bad people went, not family members. Get my point? Although, our lives are at opposite polars, I know they love their children even though I may never fully understand some aspects of their lifestyle. I know the extended family members are grieving the loss of these children but because of their poor choices and/or circumstances, they couldn't do anything about this situation either. I could go on and on but I won't. Just trust me when I say that my perspective has changed in ways that I could have never dreamt possible.


Apparently I upset my family this summer by my post, "It Is What It Is." I haven't heard from some of them since. I didn't write it as a farewell to my family, at all. I wrote it because this is my blog about my adoption experience and my way of working through some of my thoughts. It has hurt me for a very long time that my kids don't have the sort of relationships I had growing up. However recently, I have been overwhelmingly sadden by the fact that my kids were taken from their blood family (that is hurting) and given to another and for these to not have been celebrated and cherished more than they have been. This has left a giant hole in my heart and I can't put a Band-Aid on a wound that is hemorrhaging and continue to act like everything is okay.

These adoptions have changed my life in so many ways - some for the good, the bad and the ugly. I just wish I wouldn't have sat on my rose colored glasses.

The Is and the Is Not

This blog is my online diary documenting my adoption experiences. As I have said before, when we started the adoption process there was hardly any information to be found about foster care adoptions online. I have been educated (which is a continuous process) about adoption through blogs (and forums) from birth mothers, adoptees, or other adoptive parents. However, time and time again I found there is very little input in the tiny area of foster care adoptions. Oftentimes, I feel silly blogging about our little, simple lives. However, I do continue to blog because I do get so many inquiries about foster care and my silly little blog gets quite a bit of traffic. So, therefore I assume there is an interest in what I have to say on here. I hope that this blog will open other people's hearts and minds to adopting from the U.S. foster care system and combat a few stereotypes along the way. If this blog offends you in anyway, you simply need not read it. If you are interested in photos and happy updates about our children, then Facebook is the place to follow me. Adoption is beautiful, ugly, complicated and rewarding, I won't lie.

Momma and Prince Charming

I remember being a child and loving that one on one adult attention. However for me, I didn't have to constantly compete with two other adorable kiddos. So from time to time, we will grab one child to run errands with etc.

So on Saturday when I had several errands to run, Shyne was more than thrilled to tag along. Since he was the guest of honor, I let him pick our lunch spot. I knew before I asked him, he would want to eat Japanese. So we ate, had the car wash, did a few other errands, went to the convenient store and bought candy and an Icee, then to the playground. Can't you just tell by the look on his face that he was loving every minute of it?

Happy Gotcha Day - Two Year Anniversary

Copied from my blog post from July 2010 - Photos taken in October 2009 - 3 months after placement.

Around 8:45 a.m. on July 17, 2009 it was already a hot and humid Georgia morning. Billy and I nervously left our quiet house and drove about 10 minutes across town to a local park. There we met the children and their foster parents. Billy had already met the foster dad the night before and picked up a truck load of their belongings. We drove separately that morning because he had another truck load of their belongings to haul to our home. We had only met them the one time at the park about 10 days earlier. At that time the kids had been told that we were friends of their foster mother. I had made them a little scrap book about Billy, me and our families. Their therapist read over it with the kids and that is how they broke the new to them about coming to live with us.

They said their goodbyes to their foster parents. Fuller was teary eyed, Shyne was so excited he had jumped in my car almost immediately, and Zippy was quiet and reserved. I drove off with 6 little eyes staring at the back of my head. They were so brave and none of them cried. They had a lot of questions about the beach and if we lived there. See, one of the photos in the scrap book was of Billy and me on the beach! One asked if we lived in California. They were tickled about our cat, Stinky, as they never had a kitty cat before.

Things were wild those first few weeks. They were always good kids, but VERY hyper with all the newness all around them. They went to bed every night without incident. They never cried and always fell straight to sleep. Maybe they were exhausted because I know we sure were! I remember lying down in bed so worn out not knowing how in the world I was going to be able to get up and do it all over again the next day, and the next day, and the next day, for years and years!

Their foster family had been working with Zippy on potty training. I remember taking her to the potty those first few days. As I was standing there waiting for her to do her business, she would make me turn around and face the corner of the room. It was a very mysterious feeling because here was this little person that I had already loved for so long in my heart but yet I didn't know her. What was she really like? Would I have to stand in the corner forever while she pottied? How long would it take to get to know them?

Sometimes when I'm beat down or feeling sorry for myself, I think about those three little brave people. Their little world was spinning out of control and not once did they ever cry. The had lost everything in life that they had known: Taken away from their parents and now away from their foster parents that they loved so much. Yet still with all they had been through, they never cried.

It Is What It Is

In our Georgia foster care classes (IMPACT) we heard a lot about how anniversaries can be very hard on the children. We were told to expect high emotions around important dates even if the children were unaware of those dates. So far, we haven't experienced any of that with our children. However, I have noticed a huge difference in my emotions around those important circles on the calendar.

As we approach the two year anniversary of our "Gotcha Day," I find myself flooded with adoption emotions. I guess it is only natural to think back to how life was two years ago in the days before our kids arrived in our home. To be honest, it is very bittersweet.

As for my family in particular, within these two years I have both gained and lost family members through this adoption. Going back and reading my blog entries from last summer, I see that I still had a lot of raw feelings about it. However now, my viewpoint along the lines of "it is what it is." Every single relationship I had at that time has since changed and this statement isn't necessarily a bad thing. It reminds me a lot of dating when you go through a bad break up to get back together and the feelings never quite being the same.

When we set out to adopt, I guess I thought I would be able to give my kids the same type of happy childhood that I had growing up. In the end, I've had to accept the fact that no matter how hard I try, I cannot give my kids my life and my childhood. My family and extended family are different now. There are different players involved, therefore it will never be the same. I grew up adoring my aunt, uncle and cousins. On the flip side of things, my children pretty much have a non-existent relationship with their only uncle, aunt and cousin. Then their relationship with my parents would be best described as a pony show. To this date, none of my parents have ever taken all three of my children at the same time to do anything as simple as getting an ice cream cone. They love them no doubt but it is definitely a different relationship than I had with my grandparents. But that too is okay because like I said before, it is what it is.

I'm not mad at anyone. I'm not bitter. If any anything, I would describe myself as dangerously independent and indifferent. As for my children, they are resilient troopers that are having a happy and wonderful childhood now. And lastly, it is what it is.

July 9th

Copied from my post last year but with the dates changed.

Two years ago on July 9th, I called DFCS and told them that we would be willing to accept placement of the kids in our home. That was a Thursday morning. On Saturday morning, my mother and I headed out to Jacksonville, Florida (approximately an 8 hour drive) to trade my convertible in for a large SUV. There is nothing like losing your job and having to go buy a new (well, new to us) car a few days later. It was the closest one to us that had all the options I wanted PLUS leather seats. Yes, it was the leather seats that I was really after. I think it was that maternal instinct already starting to kick in! Billy stayed back behind and worked on his long honey-do list that included toddler proofing the house. We simply had too much to do to make the trip together because DFCS was wanting them in our home ASAP after we gave them the green light.

The day I met my kids

Two years ago today, I met my children for the very first time. Billy and I met them at a local play ground along with their foster mom. The kids had no idea that we were their potential parents. I remember Fuller running up to us asking if we were his foster mom's friends. I had to walk away for a moment because I started crying. He was so beautiful and charming and it was possibility that one day he would be my little boy!

Shyne was too busy playing to slow down long enough to talk to some old folks like us. He blasted past us saying "I run fast!" Seriously, that is the first thing he ever said to us!

Zippy grabbed my camera and wouldn't give it back. We had a gentle tug of war going on over it. She won and bolted off running as fast as she could but then tripped and fell down dropping my camera and scraping her knee. Billy has always said from that first night that "the little one, now she is the one that will be a handful." He hit the nail on the head with that one because she has more personality than I have ever seen in a little one that age. Oh and boy does she have him wrapped! Yep, bonfide "Daddy's girl."

What an amazing 730 days it has been! I feel like I have known and loved them forever!

"The Call"

This is copied from last year's blog post except I changed it to reflect that we got "the call" two years ago.

Two years ago on Thursday, July 2nd, my world was spinning. I had been laid off from my job the day before. While I still had 2 more months to work, I quickly decided that I needed to start drumming up some business with my side gig, real estate. There was a new listing in our neighborhood and I had a prospective buyer. So I lined up a showing later that day. While showing the house, my phone rang and I looked down to discover that it was Department of Family and Children's Services. Great, they were probably calling to tell us we needed to do one more training class! I hit "ignore." That call could wait. Then they immediately called back a second time. I hit "ignore" once again. Then DFCS called back immediately for a 3rd time! The buyer told me that it was ok to take the phone call as he sensed it was obviously urgent. I blurt out that we were trying to adopt and that I was pretty sure that I was getting "the call." We were wrapping things up anyway and I wanted to talk when I had a little more privacy. We said our farewells and I jumped in the car immediately and called DFCS back.

They had a sibling group of three they wanted to discuss with us. Yep, I just knew it would be three. Billy was already scared silly that we were approved for up to three kids but was going to freak out when I told him we got "the call" about three kids! See, they could have called us about one child or a duo. So immediately, it was kind of hard to get over the moon excited because I was so scared that I would vetoed by Billy (not that I have ever really gotten vetoed by him but this was a HUGOMONGO life decision for us and we both needed to be on board). When I told Billy that the call was about three kids, he was pretty much like "3?" Not like, three? But more like THREE while the blood drained from his face! Being the trooper that he is, he agreed to go along to the DFCS meeting with an open mind and heart.

DFCS shared the kids ages with me: 2, 4 and 6 years old. They told it was two boys and one girl. I was told that there were really no "issues" with them and of course, I knew there were THREE of them! Independence Day fell on Saturday so a lot of people were celebrating and on July 3rd so their office was closed. Our case worker did not work Mondays so we made an appointment to come in and look at their case file on Tuesday, July 7th. Just my luck, I would have to wait over a long holiday weekend. I didn't know why they had come into state custody, their race, if the boys or girl was the oldest, etc. Goodness, I should have asked more questions! Being the pessimist that I am, I kept telling myself that it probably wouldn't be a "match" so that made it much easier to get through the next few days.

Be Bored

There are two things I can't stand to hear roll off my children's lips: "That's not fair" and "I'm bored." Well baby, life isn't fair so the best thing you can do is get over it right now. And here are my thoughts on boredom:

Dear little monkeys,

There are three of you kids in our family. We live in a neighborhood filled with children. We have a garage we cannot park in because it is overflowing with your toys. We have a big ole nice flat back yard perfect for any sports you would like to play. We have a Wii and a Nintendo system and all three of you have Nintendo DS' and iPods. We have more kid movies than Netflix. This summer, you have been swimming on a regular basis, to the movie theater several times, friend's houses to play, had friends over to our house, golf camp, VBS, to the lake and more. The summer is only half over at this point and we still have a lot of fun left on the agenda. However if you want to proclaim you are bored, then I will show you boring!

Be bored,
Momma

In my opinion, children do not need to be entertained every wakening moment of their little lives. Why? Well, when you become an adult you learn that life is not one big party! So just like my thoughts on fairness, they need to just get over that now! We live in a society where kids feel entitled to always have fun. Then there are parents that jump through hoops like baboons at the zoo to keep their kids entertained. I'm not being Debbie Downer because we too do so much with our kids. You are suppose to have fun as a kid. It is a good thing! However, perhaps we have done too much mindless entertaining and now they don't know how to simply entertain themselves with their imaginations.

So, this week I refuse to shuttle them up and down the road. We are going to stay right here in our home...oh but wait, they are going to be outside with a big water cooler. I will be inside cleaning up the house I have neglected while entertaining them this summer. Today was day one although Billy ended up taking them to play miniature golf earlier. Even still, the day outside in the yard is proving painful for them. So we will be at the house all week and in the evening they will be going to VBS. I bet they will be elated to go to VBS each night to get away from the Devil (me) at home.

I've already had one come in an ask if we can go swimming today. "Well certainly not, Dear. Yesterday, swimming bored you! Now shut the door and run along."

What is "ideal?"

The boys finished up 3 weeks of golf camp today.



"Ideal" for me is an unpredictable and unconventional life. I loathe routine although sometimes I wished I liked it more. While I don't really know what my ideal life is, I know it probably isn't what everyone else considers ideal. Billy on the other hand is a polar opposite. At least he has me around to keep his life interesting! :-)

When I think about my ideal family, I really don't see a mental imagine anymore. I guess instead of thinking that we are complete, I like to dream of the unknown even if it never happens. There is just something so depressing with the finality of some things unless it is cleaning, laundry or baseball season.

I can't say that I started out wanting a large family of my own. However, I do think that the changes in my relationships with family and friends that I have experienced since my three kids came to me does play a big part in wanting to creating my own larger family.

All I know is that I want to live life to the fullest while I still have some spunk left in me. I can rest when I'm old or better yet, when I die! I don't want a head stone to read "Here lies a lady that lived a quiet and peaceful life." Instead, I prefer "Here lies a lady that was never bored. Ever. She had more kids that the old lady that lived in the shoe and every single one of them drove her CrAzY!"

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing - Helen Keller

Common Objections to Adoption

I saw this video on Facebook a couple of weeks ago and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. It spoke straight to my heart. Not to mention, several blogs that I follow have touched on some of these same points too in the last couple of weeks. While I would love to adopt again, I am THAT person that feels like we would have to make some major changes to our home and get a larger vehicle to accommodate a growing family. Plus, our money tree out back died a few summers ago when we had that severe drought. We simply cannot afford it.

I try to have faith that all those obstacles would somehow work themselves out. So, I have been praying very specifically now for an older child. I have really felt in the depths of my heart that if we ever adopted again, it would be an older boy and very likely a minority. However during my late night internet surfing, I saw a girl on a photolisting that I completely fell in love with. I know you can't get your hopes up over a photolisting, really I do. However, I wonder if it is God's way of telling me once again that my idea of what my family should look like isn't the way He wants it to look. You see, I haven't even looked at photolistings for girls in FOREVER because I was just dead set on a boy. My desire for a boy has a lot to do with the fact that boys are harder to place than girls and because of our housing situation with sharing bathrooms/bedrooms and such. Oh sure, we could make it work but it really isn't what "I" consider "ideal."

That is all for tonight as it is getting late and I am having a hard time organizing my rambling thoughts. However, tomorrow I will talk about what is "ideal."

Sweet & Ignorant

You've just got to love it when someone prefaces a conversation about someone by making the disclosure they are adopted. Even worse is when they tell me three times as if I didn't hear the first time. Then they rattle on about how this adopted person made terrible choices and has pretty much ruined their life, their adopted parent's lives, and many people's lives around them. While they don't say it, they must feel like it is somehow related to this person being adopted, after all the adoption disclosure was made three times!

Why would someone even dare start a conversation with me like that? Ignorance, plain and simple. You see Ignorance has a spouse that is a real dandy. Ignorance's spouse has made a lot of terrible mistakes too just like the adopted person has made. However, Ignorance's spouse is not adopted. Ignorance's spouse is a spoiled brat that had a great childhood and has never had to be accountable for anything. Oh, there are just so many parallels between Ignorance's spouse and the adopted person's lives. So what is the excuse here?

Adoption is a serious issue and is not to be taken lightly. However, people everywhere deal with adversities of all types every day. Life is not guaranteed to be easy or fair. I remember going off to college at 18 years old to the #4 party school in the nation. At orientation, we were told that any school could be a party school and that college is pretty much what you make out of it. I think the same idea applies to life. Remember the whole "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade" saying?

I just smiled at Ignorance. After all, Ignorance is sweet but ignorant and no malice was intended. However, sometimes I wish I could be like Jim Carrey in Liar, Liar just for one day. ;-)

Oh, Happy Days Are Here to Stay...I Pray!

Yesterday, we celebrated Fuller's 8th birthday. Instead of a birthday party this year, he got to have his first sleep over which turned out to be a huge success! Fuller had a blast surrounded with family, friends, cake and presents (and tons of swimming). One of his favorite presents was the NKOTBSB (New Kids On The Block/Back Street Boys) cd that I bought him. Yeah, I totally had my own interests at heart when I purchased it!

However mixed in with all the excitement, June 6th is another sad day in the adoption arena for me...and possibly one day for Fuller. While all birthdays are special, his is even more so because he shares the same birthday as his natural mother. Last year in the midst of his celebration, he looked at Billy and me and said "Today is also my real Momma's birthday too!" He wasn't sad but just made the statement. Regardless, it was on his mind. I usually foster open dialogue about their birth family/parents. However, on this particular day it is harder for me because I just don't know whether I should or not. If he is excited, then I don't want to rain on his parade by mentioning it. He said nothing about it this year so, I just sort of followed his lead and didn't say anything either. However, I do worry that as he grows older and the excitement of his youth wears off that his birthday may start to haunt him. Awwh, the beauties and uglies of adoption.

How We Roll

Summer is in full swing here around the Vinyard household. Temps are in the high 90's and only sun is in the forecast. With every trickle of sweat, I remember why I love the winter months. Oh well, I digress. Anyway, this week has been filled with swimming and a baseball tournament game nightly. However, two of the most unexpected things have been the highlights of the week for our kids: Rolling with the windows down in the car and getting hosed down at the car wash. Seriously, they did not get nearly this excited at Disney World!

When we left the game the other night, I decided to roll down the windows and peel open the moon roof. This goes against my grain BIG time because as soon as the wind hits my hair, I start looking like a cross between orphan Annie and Ronald McDonald. However, we were going home for the rest of the evening. So down with the windows and up went the volume! By their reaction, I suppose it was the first time I had done such with them in our near two years together. My word, I can't even express the shrills, giggles, and the pure enjoyment of three little kids getting to roll with the windows down! The best of all, it was FREE entertainment!

Then yesterday, I went to one of those little old fashioned car washes near our home. Usually, I go to a full service one but didn't have time and the car was really starting to grate my nerves. They watched me with the soapy brush (and asked a gazillion questions) and then when rinsing with water, I turned around and let them have it! We had just been swimming so they were already in swimsuits and flip flops. I sprayed the kids as they jumped, laughed and screamed "Do it again!" Every car the went down the road stared and/or laughed at us! No fancy Country Club memberships here when you can take you kids to the car wash and hose them down for a buck twenty-five!

I can already envision the kids going back to school in August and the teacher asking what was the best thing they did all summer!

Go Ahead and Throw Me From the Truck!

On May 10th Billy turned 40 years old. The very next day, I turned 35. There wasn't a lot of celebrating going on this year due to the other pressing matters at hand. Anyway, Zippy and I met Billy at the local steak house during lunch so I could get my free birthday meal. For some reason, a free meal once a year at Billy's favorite eating establishments really warms his heart. Since he had collected on his free meal the day before, he was ready to make sure I got mine the next day too! While there, I ran into our Case Worker. You know, the one that I'm not super duper wild about. Anyway, as Billy was working the salad bar over, I was able to tell her to keep us in mind should a "situation" arise that may mesh well with our family. Our home study isn't current but I know that DFCS can work some quick magic when needed. Let me rephrase that last sentence: DFCS can work some quick magic when they WANT to. She asked me about what Billy thought about it. Throughout our entire home study and adoption process, she was always very concerned about Billy because she knew he was scared to death. I told that I felt confident if the right child came up, then I'm sure Billy would rise to the occasion. After all, he is just that kind of guy!

I did end up telling him about that conversation a few days later while driving down the road. He didn't tell me "No!" but instead he laughed nervously and said "Ugghh, I should throw you out of this truck!" I *think* that might have been my "YES!"

However, there are some days that even I think I need to be thrown from the truck!

A Few of My Favorite Things

These photos were taken about a year ago by Lacey D. Photography. They remain as two of my favorite photos that I have of the children. While the kids have grown and changed so much in the last year, I thought I would post these in remembrance of all the fallen soldiers on this beautiful Memorial Day weekend. God Bless America!