Let The Good Times Roll

Well, it has been a year since I last blogged. When I reflect back over 2012, I feel like it was just a normal uneventful year for us. However in reality, it did deliver the constant change that is known as life. I went back to work full-time. It was hard (and still is) but Billy is self-employed and our healthcare has become so unaffordable. Fortunately, I really do like my job but it was still a huge change for us, or at least for me. I have accepted the fact that my house will never be as polished as it once was and that I will forever be frazzled, exhausted and shooting from the hip. I always say that I will rest when I die!

We were blessed with a wonderful lady, Jessica, that kept the kids at our house last summer. Well, they kept the roads hot and that warmed my heart because I didn't want the kids to miss out on library days, swimming, etc. just because I was working. Jessica is an angel sent straight down from Heaven. We all love her. I thought I had put my hurt feelings toward my Mom to rest in 2011 but they reared their ugly heads again in 2012. There has been a constant emotional war going on within myself for the last three years and a half years about the changes these adoptions have brought to our family dynamics. I am accepting the fact that I don't have to accept anything. Adoption is such a complicated, unnatural mess. It is so beautiful and yet so ugly all at the same time. Once upon a time, I thought of adoption as a story of purple unicorns riding in on bright rainbows spreading glitter with the swish of their tail. But now that I have lived it, I know that adoption is about loss. In order to gain through adoption, there has to be loss. My kids lost their biological parents but gained us. I gained my three, precious babies but have lost my parents in return. Would I do it all over again? You bet! Would I do things differently? You bet!

I pretty much discontinued this blog because I know it was hurtful to my family. However, I get approached so much about adoption that I really have a hard time keeping up with it all. This blog is where I usually refer people because this tells our story without me having to take time out of my already crazy schedule to answer everyone individually. While, I don't mean to hurt anyone, these are my rawest thoughts and feeling about adoption and our situation. I own every single word here. They are mine and I am not ashamed. So while, I won't be able to blog often, I'm going to be jumping in here this year and keep this blog relatively updated.

It's an ANIMAL maybe even a BEAST!

I'm back and have been thinking a lot about this blog lately. Even though I haven't blogged since September, this blog still gets a lot of frequent hits although a large percentage of those hits are from Western Europeans googling "That's how we roll Zippy!" While I'm still very passionate about adoption, 2011 really sucked the life out of me in the adoption arena. It was dangerous. Damaged relationships have been mended. I have sort of accepted the fact that most people will never understand my emotions regarding these adoptions or the complexities of adoption in general. I've just had to step back and concentrate on being a mom to my children while trying to put adoption in the back of my mind. However,adoption is so big and paramount in my life, it is never forgotten for too long. It IS my life and it is what it is!

Rose Colored Glasses

Shyne with our newly adopted pooch, Lizzie Fox.

I haven't blogged a lot this summer for a few reasons. First, with the kids being out of school for the summer and all their activities, it was very hard to find time to blog. Secondly, I've been in the dumps about adoption and really don't want to discourage my readers that may be considering or currently in the adoption process. Lastly, I haven't blogged because of my family.

None of my problems are to do with my kids because they are AwEsOmE as always. These issues are definitely with ME. I guess when we first got the kids we were in survival mode. Now that the dust has settled, I've been hit with some pretty heavy emotions that major life changes tend to bring even if they are a bit delayed due to a long period of denial.

A lot has changed around here this summer. A lot. We (Billy and/or I) ran into the children's biological family three times within two weeks. It had been a year since we had ran last into them while out in town. This has ultimately lead to communication being opened up between their biological family and me. I will admit, I was very hesitant at first. However, now I am okay with it and even grateful. But the crazy thing is that this contact has really, really sent my mind spinning out of control.

I've quit looking at them (birth family) at people that didn't care enough and lost their kids. Instead, I seem them more as people that were not born into the white, blue eyed, middle class privileges as most people I know, including myself. I now see young, very poor people without a support system. I see another generation of people that have fallen victim to that vicious cycle of poverty. I've never had to move in the middle of the night due to eviction or foreclosure because my family was secured enough to own their home out right. I grew up scared of the police and jail because that is where bad people went, not family members. Get my point? Although, our lives are at opposite polars, I know they love their children even though I may never fully understand some aspects of their lifestyle. I know the extended family members are grieving the loss of these children but because of their poor choices and/or circumstances, they couldn't do anything about this situation either. I could go on and on but I won't. Just trust me when I say that my perspective has changed in ways that I could have never dreamt possible.


Apparently I upset my family this summer by my post, "It Is What It Is." I haven't heard from some of them since. I didn't write it as a farewell to my family, at all. I wrote it because this is my blog about my adoption experience and my way of working through some of my thoughts. It has hurt me for a very long time that my kids don't have the sort of relationships I had growing up. However recently, I have been overwhelmingly sadden by the fact that my kids were taken from their blood family (that is hurting) and given to another and for these to not have been celebrated and cherished more than they have been. This has left a giant hole in my heart and I can't put a Band-Aid on a wound that is hemorrhaging and continue to act like everything is okay.

These adoptions have changed my life in so many ways - some for the good, the bad and the ugly. I just wish I wouldn't have sat on my rose colored glasses.

The Is and the Is Not

This blog is my online diary documenting my adoption experiences. As I have said before, when we started the adoption process there was hardly any information to be found about foster care adoptions online. I have been educated (which is a continuous process) about adoption through blogs (and forums) from birth mothers, adoptees, or other adoptive parents. However, time and time again I found there is very little input in the tiny area of foster care adoptions. Oftentimes, I feel silly blogging about our little, simple lives. However, I do continue to blog because I do get so many inquiries about foster care and my silly little blog gets quite a bit of traffic. So, therefore I assume there is an interest in what I have to say on here. I hope that this blog will open other people's hearts and minds to adopting from the U.S. foster care system and combat a few stereotypes along the way. If this blog offends you in anyway, you simply need not read it. If you are interested in photos and happy updates about our children, then Facebook is the place to follow me. Adoption is beautiful, ugly, complicated and rewarding, I won't lie.

Momma and Prince Charming

I remember being a child and loving that one on one adult attention. However for me, I didn't have to constantly compete with two other adorable kiddos. So from time to time, we will grab one child to run errands with etc.

So on Saturday when I had several errands to run, Shyne was more than thrilled to tag along. Since he was the guest of honor, I let him pick our lunch spot. I knew before I asked him, he would want to eat Japanese. So we ate, had the car wash, did a few other errands, went to the convenient store and bought candy and an Icee, then to the playground. Can't you just tell by the look on his face that he was loving every minute of it?

Happy Gotcha Day - Two Year Anniversary

Copied from my blog post from July 2010 - Photos taken in October 2009 - 3 months after placement.

Around 8:45 a.m. on July 17, 2009 it was already a hot and humid Georgia morning. Billy and I nervously left our quiet house and drove about 10 minutes across town to a local park. There we met the children and their foster parents. Billy had already met the foster dad the night before and picked up a truck load of their belongings. We drove separately that morning because he had another truck load of their belongings to haul to our home. We had only met them the one time at the park about 10 days earlier. At that time the kids had been told that we were friends of their foster mother. I had made them a little scrap book about Billy, me and our families. Their therapist read over it with the kids and that is how they broke the new to them about coming to live with us.

They said their goodbyes to their foster parents. Fuller was teary eyed, Shyne was so excited he had jumped in my car almost immediately, and Zippy was quiet and reserved. I drove off with 6 little eyes staring at the back of my head. They were so brave and none of them cried. They had a lot of questions about the beach and if we lived there. See, one of the photos in the scrap book was of Billy and me on the beach! One asked if we lived in California. They were tickled about our cat, Stinky, as they never had a kitty cat before.

Things were wild those first few weeks. They were always good kids, but VERY hyper with all the newness all around them. They went to bed every night without incident. They never cried and always fell straight to sleep. Maybe they were exhausted because I know we sure were! I remember lying down in bed so worn out not knowing how in the world I was going to be able to get up and do it all over again the next day, and the next day, and the next day, for years and years!

Their foster family had been working with Zippy on potty training. I remember taking her to the potty those first few days. As I was standing there waiting for her to do her business, she would make me turn around and face the corner of the room. It was a very mysterious feeling because here was this little person that I had already loved for so long in my heart but yet I didn't know her. What was she really like? Would I have to stand in the corner forever while she pottied? How long would it take to get to know them?

Sometimes when I'm beat down or feeling sorry for myself, I think about those three little brave people. Their little world was spinning out of control and not once did they ever cry. The had lost everything in life that they had known: Taken away from their parents and now away from their foster parents that they loved so much. Yet still with all they had been through, they never cried.

It Is What It Is

In our Georgia foster care classes (IMPACT) we heard a lot about how anniversaries can be very hard on the children. We were told to expect high emotions around important dates even if the children were unaware of those dates. So far, we haven't experienced any of that with our children. However, I have noticed a huge difference in my emotions around those important circles on the calendar.

As we approach the two year anniversary of our "Gotcha Day," I find myself flooded with adoption emotions. I guess it is only natural to think back to how life was two years ago in the days before our kids arrived in our home. To be honest, it is very bittersweet.

As for my family in particular, within these two years I have both gained and lost family members through this adoption. Going back and reading my blog entries from last summer, I see that I still had a lot of raw feelings about it. However now, my viewpoint along the lines of "it is what it is." Every single relationship I had at that time has since changed and this statement isn't necessarily a bad thing. It reminds me a lot of dating when you go through a bad break up to get back together and the feelings never quite being the same.

When we set out to adopt, I guess I thought I would be able to give my kids the same type of happy childhood that I had growing up. In the end, I've had to accept the fact that no matter how hard I try, I cannot give my kids my life and my childhood. My family and extended family are different now. There are different players involved, therefore it will never be the same. I grew up adoring my aunt, uncle and cousins. On the flip side of things, my children pretty much have a non-existent relationship with their only uncle, aunt and cousin. Then their relationship with my parents would be best described as a pony show. To this date, none of my parents have ever taken all three of my children at the same time to do anything as simple as getting an ice cream cone. They love them no doubt but it is definitely a different relationship than I had with my grandparents. But that too is okay because like I said before, it is what it is.

I'm not mad at anyone. I'm not bitter. If any anything, I would describe myself as dangerously independent and indifferent. As for my children, they are resilient troopers that are having a happy and wonderful childhood now. And lastly, it is what it is.